I know that in my last post I wrote that I was in Kentucky. We ended up driving straight from Kentucky to our "home" in southern Florida. What a drive!! It feels so good to be around church family. I know we will only be here for a few weeks, but it feels like we slid right back into our lives here. My beloved will be preaching in Miami this Sabbath, and I will be teaching Sabbath school at our old church next week. We do miss Idaho though. They are getting pounded with snow right now. Awww...and we missed it. ;0) I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not. lol
On Tuesday my beloved and I went to a dear friend's house to pray, and for fellowship. There was another older couple there from our church, aside from our friend. This friend is in the midst of maybe getting a divorce. She's the same friend that I have mentioned on this blog before. We started talking about marriage, etc. and some things came up that I never really thought about. I'm not too sure how or what to think about it. All three of them have gone through recovery, like al anon programs. They either are adult children of alcoholics, or had a dysfunctional relationship with a parent, etc. They either completed or are in the process of completing the 12 steps. They are big on boundaries. They told me that I need to recognize myself as Shereen, a child of a God, period. I should not be Shereen, wife to her beloved, Shereen, mother to Kayla, etc. The funny thing is, I have never emailed them. For those of you that have never exchanged emails with me, my signature line reads like this:
Shereen, helpmeet to my beloved
Mother to our blessings;
Kayla 12, Britney 10
Micah 6, Elijah 4
http://www.w8ng4him.blogspot.com/
lol Should it now read, Shereen, child of the loving God? I had a hard time digesting that. They weren't saying that I don't love my beloved, or will stop caring for him and doing everything for him or my children, but that I need to recognize that above everything else, I am His child. At the end time, I will stand ALONE to answer to Him. My name is written in the Book of Life alone, it will not be linked to my beloved. We answer to Him separately, no matter how closely knit we are tied together. And I, of course, know that, but I find it hard to think of myself first as a child of God. My beloved and I have been together since we were 16. On January 8th we make 19 years together. I have known him longer than I haven't known him. ;0) Aside from it sounding like psychological mumbo jumbo, they said I need to find myself, who I am apart from my beloved and my children.
Well, today my beloved kicked me out of the house and told me to go take some time for myself. I went to the Christian bookstore and picked up a book and then......I didn't know what to do with myself. My beloved text messaged me to see how I was doing, and I told him I was bored. lol I was bored without him/them!! I then proceeded to drive back to our home and I ended up meeting him at the park with the children. So much for that.
One analogy that the sister from church shared was that we should think of everyone as having a hoola hoop around them. Everyone is playing with their own hoola hoop. We shouldn't/can't go into each other's hoola hoops to play. What we each do within our own hoola hoop is between us and the Lord. My beloved both thought the hoola hoop analogy was pretty cool.
I will admit that I think my beloved and I play in each other's hoola hoops all the time. ;0) Any thoughts on this?
Thursday, December 18, 2008
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4 comments:
Hello Shereen! Sounds like an interesting visit :o) I will say one thing and one thing only...I always feel extremely uncomfortable when someone tells me that I need to understand who *I* am aside from being a wife or mother. Those things *are* who I am...And also, the point of a marriage is to work toward the Lord *together*, not separately unless that is what becomes necessary. You and your husband edify each other and live this life together beautifully and you are happy being Helpmeet, Mother, and being these things does *not* take you away from being "a child of God"
Hugs Shereen!
Hi Shereen! It's been fun to read your posts lately. :) I want to encourage you that you are doing just what you should...you are worshiping the Lord daily by loving your husband and children, and in being a wife and mother you are also a child of God. I'd be worried if you weren't sharing a hoola hoop with your husband! :) While certain boundaries become important in abusive relationships or in relationships where one spouse is abusing drugs or alcohol and the other is codependent, most husbands and wives don't need to focus on those boundaries as much. Sometimes I have to remind myself to look to the Lord for my ultimate fulfillment instead of expecting my husband to provide it...and this helps so much because if I expect him to completely meet all my needs I will be let down since we are both human! However, I think it is WONDERFUL that you think of yourself as helpmeet and mother. :) That is what you are and what God has called you to be as His child. My husband made a good point when I asked him what he thought about this. He said that if he were to think of himself as a child of God instead of as a husband and leader of our family, that would be like when people think you can only worship God at church. Some people think worship is only the songs we sing at church or what we do when we're together as a church, but really it is "offering yourselves as living sacrifices." Worship is something we do day in and day out. It's the same with the roles God has given us. We are His children IN those roles, and we fill those roles to our fullest in a daily act of devotion to Him.
Shereen,
I have commented many times in the past. But before I share some of my thoughts on your post I will share some info on me. I just turned 39 years old and have been married for 20 1/2 years. And I have 2 sons 16 and 18 years old.
Ok - I am lucky because there is a really cool couple at my church that have a 12 step program at my church(at least 5+ years) and so I go once a week to the meetings. We do a variety of things. One thing that stands out to me is that the 12 steps can help everyone one. I have heard that they patterned the steps after the book "Steps to Christ" if it is not patterned then it at least has a lot of the same ideas in the steps.
I do think that each person in the couple needs to have some time to themselves. For example my husband had always wanted to be a fire fighter - well about 3+ years ago he had the chance to join a volunteer fire dept nearby and he did and has totally enjoyed himself. My sons were also able to go and join and be explorers(junior fire fighters.) I know that at the beginning of our relationship I wanted him with me ALL the time that he was not working and I thought I had to be with him ALL the time that he or I was not working. For my time I quilt and go to a quilting meeting. We really enjoy our time and then when we are together we have more to share with one another. I, personally think that you have a fantastic marriage!!
Thanks so much for sharing,
Lisa in Texas = )
God called Abraham "father of many nations" based on the covenant and responsibilities that He made/gave to him. That's how most of us think of Abraham. I don't think that title takes away from Abraham as an individual.
I covenanted with God at my wedding and baby dedications to be a wife and mother after God's heart. Since I consider these roles to be spiritual as opposed to secular responsibilities, it's an honor in my mind to be referred to as such.
At the same time, I can't joyfully do my best in these roles unless I am Ann in the individual sense. That starts in my individual relationship with God. How it plays out from there is for you and God to work out. I don't think that it is a "one size fits all" situation. You have to remember that your friends are in recovery, and that they may NEED a measure of individuality as part of that recovery that you may not. Jesus took time apart,so it's not a bad thing, it's just something that God can customize for you.
As for the hoola-hoops, my husband and I joined hoola hoops when we married. It's nice having more hoola-hooping space!
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